Our sessions are focused on learning about navigating through tough issues like motivation, expectations, family, and criticism. This past session we tackled the topic of love. When families begin their foster care journey they dream about loving a child and building a relationship with them. To really make a difference in the child's life. But sometimes you have a child placed in your home and that dream seems to be shattered. We ask ourselves "why is love not enough?"
When love feels like a broken transmission
Love is a fundamental part of fostering and such a powerful tool. However, building a relationship with a child who's experienced complex trauma can be challenging. You pour so much into the child, and you don’t see any change especially when the child keeps having the same challenging behaviors. You hoped loving them would make such a huge difference and in reality the child resists you and your love is not returned. It feels like you've began a road trip to California and 100 miles into the journey you press the gas and the car does not go anywhere. You think to yourself "oh no! It's my transmission." You are stuck on the side of the highway feeling so frustrated because you know what the cost will be and what you will be missing out on. Love in foster care can feel the same way. Loving a child and seeing that relationship go no where feels like a broken transmission.
Love: More than Just a Feeling
It's important to understand that children need to be ready to receive love and heal at their own pace. Children live in a state of survival for so long that often don't know anything different and it impacts every relationship for them. Foster parents need more tools that just love! Strategies that give you tools to build attachment, understand trauma, and give consistency. What tools have you used to help manage this issue effectively? Leave a comment and let us know.